if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
