I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
