I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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