I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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