My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you made out with another girl for some wings
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
