Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Less talking, more tequila
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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