I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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