Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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