i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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