I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
