You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
