u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
