new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
