Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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