watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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