i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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