Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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