What did we do last night that was yellow?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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