Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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