I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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