The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
