I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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