i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
