Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
