It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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