Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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