ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
