Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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