What a fucking waste of an outfit
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
