i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
