My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
