Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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