I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
