I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I believe in your delicious
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
