If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize