he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
