the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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