Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
