I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
