this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
