he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
