The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
