Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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