Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
