I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
