It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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