i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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