I'm so fucking centered right now
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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