He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she peed on how many people?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
