Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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