when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
