smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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