remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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