at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
