He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
