i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
