I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
