It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
