Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
did i just pee glitter
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
