Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Terrible idea I love it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
