a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
