i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
