lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
