You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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