I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
