I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
