A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
