During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
