I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
