Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
