i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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