I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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